Life is not about how well we can solve the problems but rather the ability to manage them so that they do not get out of control. It is a proven fact that life often spin surprises…and we are advised to solve them. Solve it so that it is no longer a problem. If you are in a relationship with someone especially married. There are things that you will never agree on then what do you do…divorce or find the way to deal with the issue amiably and or amicably. The aim is to solve the issue as the first objective but if that fails then managing it will be better. You and your partner should know which issues cannot entirely be solved and will be managed. Trying to resolve will take too much time and the process might result with some casualty. In fact the more you try to solve it…the more it creates fight, animosity, two weeks silence treatment and cat fight. At the worst the unthinkable happens…separation…because neither cannot see the way (out) to work around the issue. Some people believe fervently that if we cannot work around the issue there is no way we can be together. Fair enough, while this may be true, but it is not entirely so, there is always an alternative to those that seek one, regardless of the level of the disagreement. Where there is a will there is a way.
However, what is important is that the main issues, so called Critical Success Factors (CSF) of the union, both parties must agree on. If there is no agreement on those factors I can safely say your union will not survive, you should quit while still early. What are the CSF – are those factors that must be present for a marriage, union or relationship to be successful. If those factors are not present, the relationship survival chance is lowered. More like the 80 - 20 rule, do you want to be with someone who you agree 80 percent of the time or 20 percent of the time?
I am the first to admit about the complexity of some of the relationships and marriages where the CSF may be dissimilar but the core is still holds together. When it comes to relationships, marriage and union there is no prescriptive and descriptive formulae that has worked for all the couples the same way as applied. Having said that there are no formulae and prescriptions for relationships and marriages…it's important for the two/three people to agree on what will be the formulae for their success. This means the couple need to establish their CSF…those will be their key indicators for success if achieved. The formulae might be the same but the application different which may defeat the purposes in trying to standardise. The complex situation anywhere in the world are better managed than resolved. Part of the establishment of the relationship rules is to have the unstructured and structured problems…and structured and unstructured solutions. That way no one is confused if things are done in a certain way. The other key concept in a relationship is consistency…the parties shouldn't shift the goal post according to the way they feel. It will render the relationship dynamic…at times unstable...at worst unworkable. It's like kissing…you unconsciously know how your partner kiss…if there is a change in pattern and is not communicated properly you will startlingly ask questions.
The issue management should provide a breathing space, if it is categorised as such…it should not cause headaches and again. The two people should be wise about it.
Perfection in a relationship is not the absence of problems but the ability to manage those problems so that they do not get out of control - Donald Matjuda.
To be continued...look out for article about the critical success factors of marriage/relationship and union.
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