Make a decision about your life

I was reading a book Staying On Top by David Mansell and came across this statement: Making a decision about your life. I pondered a little about it and realized how much is in that statement. It has a lot of connotations to it. Why? If you do not make a decision about your life the chances that many things will affect you are high. For an example if you do not make a decision about entertaining sexual temptations, it will forever be a problem in your life until you make a decision about it not to be. However, if you do not perceive something to be a problem despite your struggle to stop doing it at the time that you want then your philosophies in life are skewed. Each of us has a boundary/area of responsibility that we preserve. Those areas that we care about are the very same things that we build boundaries around; this can be your car, house, career, love life, sex life, spiritual life, dealing with issues and interaction with people.

We often make a decision about any of the issues mentioned about, explicitly and implicitly; the problem is what kind of decision do we make? The decision that we make often determine whether we will struggle or succeed about the issue. The title of the article states that make a decision about your life? The ilk of the decision that is supposed to be made is positive, life building and in alignment with higher level of self-control. Most importantly it should be in line with your faith and spiritual life.

Hence the biblical backing for these is found in Proverbs 25: 28 He who has no rule over his own spirit is a city broken down and without walls (in amplified version), (the message version) a person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out…Proverb 16:32…, self-control is better than political power (message version), (the new living translation state); better to have self-control than to conquer or capture the city.

 The decision will make a stamp on your mind, it will remind you, keep you accountable and responsible for your life. It will be a beacon of hope and bearing in case you divert from your course or path of life. Remember you committed that you shall not have financial problems or struggle with sexual temptations, whatever comes your way, God will raise the standard and elevate you so that you come out to be a winner or overcomer. Your faith in your decision will be your shield or your downfall. We often make a decision about certain people e.g. Zimbini will never make me angry regardless, even if she does, the impact will not be much. The same goes for people that are listed as triggers, regardless of how small their doing is, they make you mad. 

If you made the decision stick to it no matter the outcome, you chose it, bear the consequences. In a way this calls for a wise decision making process, which will minimize the impact later. Most decisions are made too quickly. Proverbs 11: 14 state where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in multitude of counselors there is safety. The key word is guidance, counselors and safety. Indeed there is safety where an informed decision is made under wise guidance; this guidance will come from the experienced source.

However, there is a caution, some areas of your life decisions can’t be made that simple about certain problem and the problem is over. You have to deal with the root cause of the issue and unpin the strongholds and underlying forces preventing the breakthrough. However, the decision must be made that now is the time to tackle the issue and never look back, firm and establish your-self upon that decision. 

The major problem about us starts as expressed in this verse James 1: 6 – 9  But when you ask (it is a decision made), you must believe and not doubt (never wavering, nothing doubting, no hesitating, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind (NIV). The message version 6 – 8 states; ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. In EXB version it states verse 7 - 8; [For] such doubters are thinking two different things at the same time [double-minded], and they cannot decide about anything they do [are unstable in all they do]. They should not think [expect] they will receive anything from the Lord.

The problem as adequately expressed above is our mental stand about the decision. We make decisions but have second thought, doubt, waver, hesitate and keep our options open. That’s the main issue that needs to be dealt with; it is a door to allow sexual temptations to be a major issue, and eventually leading to rehabilitation. Our decision need to be firm about our life situations to deny or allow. Declare and decree that you shall not struggle with finances, relationships, marriage, family, career and studies. Your whole mental frame shift towards attaining that particular goal, you do not allow room for disturbances or doubts, or to be tossed to and from as expressed above. When you are firm on your decision; they protect your life mission and vision. They keep you on the right track and remove the unwanted distractions and diversions along the way, they heal you, removes generational curses and transforms life. Now it is the time to succeed and start afresh with a new perspective, established boundaries and concrete DECISION.

I know someone who is on the brink of divorce because of this very subject, every time he had a fight with his wife; he thought the marriage (relationship) might be over (do most of us do this). I always wondered why he thought that way. But I realized that he had not made any decision (commitment) towards his marriage or made any decision (commitment) to stay in it. Despite the “I do’s” and signing, that does not means you really committed (made decision) to your marriage. The commitment (decision) originates from the heart, without any force and coercion. It is a conscious decision to say whatever comes our way, I will stay in it and make it work, there is no doubt in your mind because the decision is made. Every problem that come, you work through it swiftly and find solutions. Why? Because you are in it to win it! The article may apply to you wholly or partly, the aim is to incite your decision making process. It’s a call for re-evaluation and caution about our life principles and philosophies; they might be an entry to many of our struggles and problems, but we never realized.  

Forgiveness Is Tough!!!

I recently discovered that one of the friend is not talking to a group of friends for a while for alleged wrong done to him some time back in 2012 in a party, till today they don’t see eye to eye.  I know these people to be a tight-knit and inseparable but hearing that sad news reminded me of my long suspicion about modern relationships/friendships. Most of them don’t seem to have basis or base, foundation and anchoring. My memory of old friendships is the one where we used to fight and still make up afterwards. The fights were not forever but rather temporary. Unlike today after one fight most friendships are over.

As a brief background to the topic of forgiveness, looking through Google and Wikipedia, a research work of Dr Robert Enright emerged. Dr. Enright founded International Institute of Forgiveness (IIF), developed 20 Step Process Model of Forgiveness. He also focused on my point of departure, what kind of person is likely to forgive? The study found that those that are neurotic, angry and hostile are less likely to do so, rather avoiding and likely to avenge. This people are likely to experience various health related problems.

The same study shows that those who are likely to forgive are healthier and happier.  This people who forgive, their cardiovascular and nervous systems improves upon thinking about the act. It lifts the supposed burden on them and are liberated. This help to reduce the likelihood of illnesses.

Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University also the author of “Learning to Forgive” added to the pool of knowledge, he reckons forgiveness can be learned and is a life skill. His studies found that those who were taught to forgive became happier, tolerant, optimistic, compassionate and self-confident. If anything the learning increases vitality and reduces hurt and experiences of physical stress.    

The topic state that forgiveness is tough, what makes it so hard and not easy to do? Is it the method or approach? Is the hurt too much? Is the memories unbearable thus making it impossible to forgive? Or is the forgiver a miserable, unhappy and depressed individual as stated in the research? Who has a point to prove - the wronged or the one who will not forgive? The real problem with the situation is the inability of either parties to realise their rightness or wrongness - to what extent their rightness or wrongness has contributed to the dilemma they are both in. In most cases whatever you do is right until someone proves you otherwise. The challenge is, do you agree to the disapproval or approval process. If you do not agree, you will remain with either your uninformed or informed position. The cracks of the matter is for both parties to be willing to sit and deliberate on the matters. If there is still disagreement, call a trusted third party for a different opinion. If that does not settle the arguments, it might be time to go your separate ways or embrace the diversity in unity. The key in embracing the differences is to acknowledge and identify them in-order to ensure that the same does not happen again.

I would like to explore on today’s friendships, my personal observations. As pointed out, they seem to end prematurely or before they begin. My assertion is that today’s friendships lack the solid foundation, purposes and meaning. There are this phrases used, people come into your life for a season and reason?? How true is that? Once that is used, it justifies ending any relationship. People regard themselves as perfect in certain areas and thus the lack is on another person, he must be the one to apologies. There is no forbearing, no grace, no mercy, we are overly critical of each other - the new black professional have learned to criticise like most whites counterparts. If you don’t want to forgive, who will forgive you the rare day you think you have erred. No one should ever think that he is perfect, that’s the biggest mistake one can ever make.

To be contd….next time will expand on the ilk of friendships, our personalities, whether we really need to forgive or not...is it us or them.      

According to His Will...

According to His Will…

I have contemplated about this topic, how much effort is required to achieve what we want to, many times, finally I am able to put more meat to just simple words and the narratives too. For too many times we try to do so many things and we fail…either normally or dismally. Some of us are able to bounce back while some remain ‘dead’ for a long time.

Before continuing further I need to point out that, we do need to put some effort for things to work out to a certain extent. Sometimes people simply put statement like this ‘we get what we expect’. To a greater degree we get what we expect.

I believe in this statement that says things that will work will always work without too much effort put to it. One might have a different way of putting that statement. I recall many experiences and anecdotes. For a long time I looked/longed for a partner (girlfriend) and nobody seems to come my way, I tried to change my lifestyle, dress code, going to library, sound intelligent, spending patterns and all. I am sure the list is endless. None of the aforementioned factors seemed to work any magic or yield any success for me. Just to mention, most of my peers (guys) seemed to have their way around ladies without any struggle. I envied them to death, wishing to be in their positions…and I wondered what is it that I was doing wrong in life, and what was it they were doing right? I never seemed to have gotten an answer either. I wondered…and eventual resorted to my normal self without trying to please anybody any-longer. I just lived my life in a boring manner, as perceive by many and or me rather.

When I was relaxed, going about my business and minding my own. That’s when I got lucky (get a girlfriend), I thought. Is luck or not? Having one girlfriend led to the possibilities of many, If I so wished. As I got some more experience in the trade I realize that it was not my fault that I didn’t get any lucky then. It was not because I didn't have a car, sound intelligent or charming. It was because of the cognitive space…to a certain degree I was trying to hard…barking at the wrong trees, or rather standing at the wrong door that wasn't going to open in anyway. If it opened it wasn’t going to be for long…it was just going to be a peep and out again. After the realization I also cast my mind backwards and find that, there were one or two girls interested in me. But my sights were sets at the wrong people.

However, at the time the knowledge of this dating business was limited, so I persevered blindly. The truth is if someone is going to love you, they will love you the way you are, your true character, not pseudo. You do not have to change at all, or at times not much. They just love you nonetheless...your way of doing things, how silly, weird and unfathomable. Just the way you are…as Bruno Mars sings. We shouldn’t try too haughty things…search for unreachable things and out of our control. I normally say that ‘things that work will always turn out easy especially those meant for you’. I am very much aware that there is no formula in this field…and is likely not to be one given the testimonies and stories told. The half formula given in this article has worked and is given 95% confidence level.  Not everything in life one needs to work hard for, only the wise know that matters of the heart is not a like a job…the harder you work…the luckier you become. It is not something you need to achieve. It is something you need to be.  The workaholics tend to confuse the matters, work hard for love, friendships, acceptance, etc…everything is treated as a project…with timelines and key milestones.

What I admire the most is that if something is meant for you, come hell or high waters, God will ensure that you get what is duly yours. You don’t have to stress, distress and despair or even lose heart. It is predetermined, predestined, set aside for you…whether you take it or not...that remains your choice but God will deliver. The reason I state is that, in most cases we beat ourselves so hard if things do not go our way…we look around ourselves. We blame the way we look, we blame our ancestors, mothers & fathers, witchcraft, our education system and at most skin colour. The blaming get to a point of low self-esteem…sense of none achievement and being pathetic. We easily forget the path that we are in…that God has set for you specifically. Just because people are achieving certain things does not mean you are a failure or loser…do not compare…only comparison lead to happiness or miserable. You cannot compete with somebody in a marathon if you do not know what their objectives are. There should be some level of competition with self…the harder you on your-self the better results you tend to achieve. God has let you achieve what you have so far…and he is still working on you for greater things to come. At times it might take time but it will eventually come. I know it will come because I have a testimony, I am a witness of His master piece and plan. The bible in Habakkuk 1 state that write the vision down…thought it tarry it shall surely come to pass.   

In the year 2011, I applied for a job in Rand Water in Johannesburg, titled Environmental Coordinator. I was called for the interview. It was made clear from the beginning that all the interviews were going to be held in Johannesburg as the position was senior and the management needed to see the candidates. The interview process included the presentations, and written assessment. The interview process consisted of initial interview as well as the final management interview. The candidates were to cover the cost of flight and traveling to and from Johannesburg.

I did not have money and I made it clear to the lady who was going to interview me that I will not be able to travel but I desire to be interviewed. The rules were then broken, a Skype and Telephone interview was arranged. I emailed my presentation and other documents that were required. I was again told that if I pass the interview I must travel to Johannesburg for the Management interview.  I passed the first interview and was called the following day to be informed that I needed to make an arrangement for the traveling. I phoned the manager and told him I will not be able to travel, he informed me that he will discuss with line management and get back to me. I eventually got interviewed over the Skype and Telephone with Line Manager. The rules were broken again for me. I did well and got the job. But due to technical reasons I declined it. There so many rules broken for me but sometimes I complained bitterly about some door that was never going to open for me.

The point I am demonstrating again is that...if it belongs to you, come hell or high waters…it will be yours. No door will be shut if God opens it…the travelling…the accommodations…or even dress code, the spelling mistake on your CV will not prevent you from getting what is truly and duly yours. This is not to say we should not be cautious of what we put on our CVs…we should still double check ourselves and read our cover letters before sending out to the potential employer. In the same breadth if it is yours…it will come your way. Nothing on earth, under the earth or above it will prevent you from getting it.

In conclusion…we do get what we expect and what is ours but we should not cry over things that we do not have control over. Some of the things you experience it might be for you to gain knowledge, some of the interviews, some of the hit and miss with relationships…as they say…let the one you love free, if she returns…that means she was yours …if she does not that means she was never yours in the first place. Do not bark the wrong tree…use Gods wisdom to determine which door to knock, when to ask and when to simply abort the mission?   

SELEMATJU: Perceptions

SELEMATJU: Perceptions: On Saturday night, after watching CHAN FINAL at Cape Town Stadium, my two friends and I hanged around Cape Town CBD, since it was the J&amp...

Perceptions

On Saturday night, after watching CHAN FINAL at Cape Town Stadium, my two friends and I hanged around Cape Town CBD, since it was the J&B Met Weekend. Cape Town was abuzz with activities and festivities.  We strolled along Long Street. We had fun, joked around, and also discussed various issues. One of the things we spoke about was perceptions. When this word was interpreted (from each person’s viewpoint) you could see passion in each of our eyes.

This topic comes a long way, and it tend to still get the better of the people even though one would expect people to still have some know-how. However, it seems as if people are still in abyss about it. Even in this age of information highway and much alertness amongst most people especially youth. One would expect a breed of new generation that would want to delve and understand issues before making a judgment, decision or declaration or even passing information to the third party about what one has observed. One still has to explain, justify and clarify themselves most times in order to dispel certain myth that is created in another person’s mind. We often say” It is not how it looks, or what I am doing does not mean this, it means that”. However, the mind, having the mind of its own still process and interpret issues the way it wants…obviously based on what it has been fed (or trained) throughout the years.

The more open minded our generation becomes the more it will learn to understand that it is more than what meet the eye. As they say the devil is in the details. Unfortunately many people died, relationships ended, couples divorced and friendships ended because the perception overruled the situation. Perception has somehow taken the centre stage and incapacitated certain individuals from free thinking capability.

Perceptions are everywhere and all of us are somehow guilty of assuming to a certain extent, however, those that pass their perception to the third party are even worse.  These people pass data (information) that is somehow or entirely incorrect, unprocessed and raw. One can imagine what effect that data will be to the fourth person in line, even worse to the fifth and sixth. I chose to use the word data because of its complex (not complicated) nature, and also emphasize and indicate that it is not as it meets the eye.

Our main point of departure after much deliberation was that do not ever assume, do not ever take information as it is. As they say don’t trust everything you read (even this article, test its worthiness), even the Bible state that test what you are being taught, see whether it agrees with your spirit. Don’t be landfill or dumping place of unprocessed data.  When you see something, ask if not sure, that is if it concerns you, otherwise mind your own business and focus on your priority. When a person speaks Venda, it doesn’t mean he is one. The same goes, if you see a man and woman holding hand, it does not mean... (I am sure you can complete that sentence) exactly the point.  

 Let’s us test the information we receive, does it pass the test of it being true, pure, trustworthy, noble, right, lovely, admirable, as well as excellent and praiseworthy. Immediately you pass on the information, you are making it praiseworthy (noted) either way. Let us be the difference and not perpetuates rumour-mongering, lies and treacherous.  We are a new generation, supposedly with better knowledge, more informed, access to information and ability to interpret and apply our minds. Let us also educate and train those who are still holding unto perceptions as a way of life. Let us act likewise and change the perceptions…change the society perceptions and viewpoints about life. Next time you bring a lady friend at home, your parents will not think it’s your boyfriend until you confirm (there are so many examples that I can list that you are aware of). This is a journey we are all in…we can also be gracious to each other especially the older folk but the twitter generation, I have bad news for you…there is not excuse for you. Do not perceive, it is simple as that.

As a conclusion, I looked up the word perception on Wiki, it state that”is the organization, identification, and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment”. If this definition is to go by, then we have abused the application of this word. As they say assumption (postulations) is the lowest form of knowledge. This is not the end to this topic…watch posts to come.