Swakopmund & Walvis Bay Expedition

Day 3 in Pictures
Part 1

On my way to Swakopmund....

The road signs...points that way

Karibib 110km From Okahandja

Grassy Desert...

Closer to the Sea and Swakopmund...Namib Desert..sparse

The road signs says...about to arrive

Finally..after 400km from Windhoek

Restaurant and viewing spot

The Viewing Spot from the Seashore

Ok...Mr..Selfies order of the day...more to follow

Again...more to follow

The Museum...at Swakopmund

Namibian Expedition Part II

Day 1 in Pictures Part II

The apartheid slogan in Namibia, Their blood waters our freedom

The Ministry of Police (not sure), the one on the far right is Hilton Hotel 

The Namibian Parliament on the far right 

The Parliament from the front

Entering the Parliament Gardens

Inside the Parliament, didn't take a lot of photos as there is not much to see.

The ZooPark..next to Town Square

Meteorites that fell in Namibian many years ago, some of the existing evidence can be found in Rehoboth.

Namibia at Night..at the roof top of Hilton Hotel

Namibian Expedition

Day 1 in Pictures

The National Museum of Namibia - free of charge to enter. Good first stop yes.

The traditional artefacts and heritage displayed in the museum

The whites…

Mr and posing with Hendrik Witbooi…He became the Minister under Sam Nujom first cabinet after independence.

Namibia under old SA…No surprises

First President of Namibia after independence from 1990 - 2005, some claims he only came back to claim the glory as he was in exile for 30 yrs. How about people that fought in the struggle in Namibia? Sounds familiar?

Ja neh…apartheid must be shunned especially the current one.

Some of the prisoners were with Nelson Mandela in Robben Island, only four served in the first cabinet as Ministers.

The title says it all…

Finally the South West Africa (Region) obtained their independence….

Namibian Expedition

Day 1
This will be the first time I post in pictures, but it will actually be a good thing to do. Just be pictures, here is my 10 personal observation about Namibia.

1. Most of the streets, roads and places of significant buildings are named after their struggle heroes just like most African Countries. But if you don't know it wouldn't make sense. Once I knew I could relate to all the names I see around. Names such as Okahandjie, Rehoboth (mixed race leader) etc.
2. Two main Drives that will get you almost anywhere you want be in Namibia is Sam Nujoma Drive (I pronounced Nujoma with a J like Mzansi but not, it is pronounced with a Y, in case you ever get to Windhoek) and Robert Mugabe Avenue….and of course how can there be no Nelson Mandela Drive, but it is not connected as the two main ones.
3. All the Highways/Freeways are called B, meaning Bypass and that's where all the Traffic Officers like to forage. The B1, 2, 3 leads from one town to another.
4. I purposefully didn't call my host when I was going to pick up the car, just to see how easy it is to get around. Yes, it is quite easy. The taxis are written in Big letters some are KK, AA etc. I don't know what they mean. But you just give them your address and they take you there. They look like metre taxis but are not, this are your Toyota corolla, Cressida etc.
5. One of the first things, withdraw your Namibian dollars so that you can fit in nicely and easily. It helps. The Standard Bank ATM could recognise that I am from Mzansi, so it displayed the money in rands but withdrew dollars as opposed to displaying it in dollars. That was quite good. The conversion is easy. Namibia South Africa...slight minor difference, not significant.
6. Get a local sim…only 7 dollars…buy MTC, it is widely used. The alternative is Leo ex OneCell which is like 8ta in Mzansi owned by the government with affordable rates. But most people use Make The Connection (MTC). You can also roam if you so wish. My advice is, enable roam for few hours until you get organised and then switch to local MTC. So you can use GPS, google on your phone etc.
7. The population is quite small, so it's a lot of things. If you come with an SA mentality, disappointment. Just be open and welcoming in your approach otherwise I feel sorry for you. The market is not big, the industrial area is also not that big. Yes, they do in some places still close at lunch. One Cinema…I think still under renovations…not a lot of Big names artists and DJ's etc. But still looks better than …Botswana.
8. The overall population is friendly, amicable and amiable with exception of few white bastards still displaying some racist tendencies, cultivating black on black racism.
9. No wonder our Intelligence are a bit ahead over Namibian one, I was allowed into the Parliament without a guide and I could also take photos. The police even asked whether I went deeper into some rooms. The parliament does not carry the same respect as the so called State House where the President resides (just the mention of the state house brings emotions of fear upon those who utter the words). The Parliament rather look threadbare. I passed through offices of Ministers and Governors of Regions. Talking about regions, Namibia has 13 Regions each managed by a Governor.
10. SWAPO is Like ANC, Namibian was colonised and ruled by Germans and later South Africa called South West Africa…later called South West Region. Ovambo is the largest group of population in Namibia also referred to as (endonyms Aawambo [Ndonga], Ovawambo [Kwanyama]) they speak different languages and dialects speak Oshiwambo, which includes the Oshikwanyama, Oshingandjera, Oshimbadja, Oshindonga and other dialects.

The photos will follow on the next blog post. I got carried away. It was just going to be little snippets but passion for Africa.

Mmei Psalm of Worship

1. Thank You Lord for loving me despite all my iniquities
   
2. Thank you for being my constant guide in times of trouble
   
3. Thanks for leading me in the way everlasting…
   
4. You display your great grandeur all the time
   
5. You never cease to amaze me…Your favour upon my life is evident
   
6. I am grateful and thankful to be reminded of your love time and again.
   
7. Your just too awesome Lord, I can never understand…I fail everytime
   
8. When I think I know the pattern, you change your order of things and do them your way.
   
9. With you Lord on my side I can only go higher...and victory is assured, whatever kind
   
10. I wholeheartedly bless your Holy Name, You are Yahweh…Jehovah
    

Favour of God

The wordweb dictionary define Favour as grace, prefer, privilege and promote over the other. Now looking further to the keyword grace, it is defined as (in Christian theology) a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under such divine influence. It is the free and unmerited favour or beneficence of God. Further descriptions and definition looks at grace which is to make more attractive by adding ornament, colour, etc. and embellish, adorn, blessing, gracility, thanksgiving - be beautiful to look at.

My claim is that the favour of God is granted freely regardless of the situation, the current relationship with God and or performance by an individual. One of my greatest question I want answer to is whether favour is given upon everyone or certain people. In many scriptures in the Old Testament, they talk about Gods favour, they could not do anything without His favour. They will say…If I have found favour let me go, do, live, heal etc. However, let's delve into the scriptures and see whether they confirm, deny or introduce a new knowledge or ideas.

1. In Hebrews 4:16 it says Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. Firstly it is important to come to God boldly and fearlessly…you do that with fear of God still…deep reverence. Our approach to God is important. The boldness that we display come from him, it boldness with vulnerability but confident at the same time. The last part says, appropriate help and well-timed help. Just when is needed, God knows our needs and the time to deliver. Some other versions says, in time of need, when we need favour most, and find favour for seasonable help.
   
   
2. In Job 10:12 the bible state, You have granted me life and favor, and Your care has preserved my spirit. This scripture suggest that life and favour is one of the greatest gift God has given us…
   
3. In Genesis 39: 20 -23 the bible state …but while Joseph was there in the prison, (21) the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden….the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did. In 39: 3 - 4 the Lord gave Joseph favour to look after the estate of Potiphar. He was honest and successful doing it…he was loyal, never got tempted despite Potiphar's wife throwing herself over Him and trying other tricks. Joseph instead run away. But wherever he went Gods favour followed him. This is a testament of walking the road in the Lord. God had bestowed Joseph with a special favour.
4. In Psalm 5: 12 the bible state Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor as with a shield. Here the favour is liken to a shield, which is the amour of God, which we all receive. Psalm 91 is also our portion for protection and shield. The people who receive this are the righteous…important to note that. Ephesians 6, the armour of God at work.
5. In Psalm 30: 5 the bible state, For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime…, this means we live under Gods favour. Verse 7 state Lord, when you favored me, you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. This scripture also denote that there is a time for favour…at times favour may not be there. Which also suggest different times of favour. There might be a permanent favour for protection but a special favour for other things. When God hid His face favour disappears. Favour is permanent for certain things but God bestow upon us a special one.
6. In Numbers 6: 25 - 26 the bible state, the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. God shining His face, being gracious and turning towards us is His favour. We need to receive His blessings.
7. In Psalm 102: 13 the bible states, You will rise and have compassion on Zion, because it is time to grant her favor. Indeed, the appointed time has come. The scripture clearly indicates that not every day is a special favour day, there is something called TIME, when time has arrived for God to remember us in a special way. He does exactly that. The appointed time has come…and when it has arrived nobody can stop it. It is your time and moment to shine. Other versions of the bible say, promised time to help her,
   remember your love for Zion and it is divinely appointed time, the set time for that and moment designated. This proves that favour is time related…bound and set for that specific purpose. This is God displaying His sovereignty and authority.
8. In Ezekiel 36: 9 the bible says, I am concerned for you and will look on you with favor; you will be plowed and sown. In Lev 26:9 'I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you. In Ezekiel 36:34 God confirms that the desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through it. Other versions says, you will be tilled and sown...which means…Your ground will be plowed and your crops planted. God says He will turn to you. He has our best interest at heart. We will be fruitful, when he looks our way. Our patch that has been dry for a long time…but now no more. He is planting even on our 'mountains' and it will be impressive.
   
9. In the book of Esther 2: 15, the last part, it says…And Esther obtained favor in the sight of all those who looked upon her (Esther kept winning the favor of everyone who saw her). As we know the story of Esther is characterised by purity of heart, good motive and favour of God. This also shows that if you find favour with God, other people will also find favour with you. They will help accelerate your course, career and destination. Pro 16:7 confirm this that When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
   
10. In Proverbs 18:22, the famous scripture, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD. He who finds a wife finds treasure, enjoyable, pleasurable thing from the Lord. The bible continues to say that He will answer your prayers when you ask. The time factor comes in again, when you find…you will get. 

What a revelations emerge when the word of God is dissected in little pieces, surmountable and understandable. Indeed my claim is proved correct, the favour of God is not something you can ask for at a certain time. But it is rather bestowed upon individuals that God deem fit to receive His favour at the appointed time. Webster's dictionary confirms this as well, To regard with kindness; to support; to aid, or to have the disposition to aid, or to wish success to; to be propitious to; to countenance; to treat with consideration or tenderness; to show partiality or unfair bias towards, a gift or represent; something bestowed as an evidence of good will; a token of love.

I pray a special favour of God upon you when you need it most. I do receive the favour of God as a reminder on a constant basis…a times to say relax. I am concerned for you, focus. You are secured and you multiply soon. Here is Mr Hezekiah Walker with the song song…Indeed He Favoured Me

Life Strategy

Life is synonyms to many things and yet we are not able to crack it the way we are supposed to. Why do some people do well in life and others do very badly? Why some find success and happiness, others sadness and frustration? Why? There might be many factors and forces that we cannot control and that may influence what happen to us. But more importantly the choices that we make determine our success. One might say the strategy that we choose to execute whatever it is in our lives determine how far we go (lifespan or life expectancy). One thing that we haven't realised is that whatever we do right now is somehow a strategy for your survival. Although you haven't taken time to think things through it is still a strategy on how you operate as a person (just like any company, one mistake you pay, no excuses). 

Strategies are there to help you and I find success, everyone wake every morning to go and look for success. I never thought of it that way. Success whereth at thou? I want you in abundance, so that I don't have to look for you like a cat searching for a mice. Nonetheless, we keep on looking still with the same strategy. It is true that two people do the same thing but get different results; two Christians read the same Bible but live different lifestyles. What is the difference?

Strategic personal management means making choices about your life, create and capture value in the future. The key measure for success is how much effort is required to make your choices into reality. Everyone wants to reap the best return for your efforts, whatever you call 'best' or 'return'. Strategy involves answering three key questions in the context of value creation and capture: (1) Where are you now? (2) Where would you like to be in the future? (3) What do you have to do differently in order to get there? Strategy is about channeling resources to achieve the desired goal. Unfortunately without purpose and meaning our energies are scattered, disconnected and fragmented. The actions that we take are not aligned or build onto each other to achieve something tangible. Basically you are building a new thing every day or every time you make a decision, because they are in a vacuum, isolated and ramshackle.

Once you made a decision lead the way, and reap the benefits whatever the outcome is enjoy it you worked for it. Some benefits for having a strategy in life are: survival, growth, change, learning about the world, business and people, better efficiency, better culture, alliances, skills, confidence, recruitment and retention, decisions

and learning.

Strategy has the potential to bring change and improvement to every aspect of your life until you (put into operation, implement, put into service, apply, employ, put into practice, execute, realise) it. Do you know why other people are successful, it is because they work hard and are assertive and involved - very strategic? Are De Geus suggest that the reason we don't enjoy our success (if that's what we call it) is because we focus too much on the idea of being working machines than being living human being who are: conservatism in financing, sensitivity to the world changes (change when is required), awareness of their own identity, tolerance of new ideas (experiments, marginal activities new ideology)

Finally new world need new approaches, we can't use yesterday's approach on today's problem. The ability of a human mind to think beyond itself is the beginning of active knowledge – Mmei Donald Matjuda

Choose one Victor Hugo said, "The future has many names: for the weak, it means the unattainable. For the fearful, it means the unknown. For the courageous, it means opportunity". 

Raymond Inmon – If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. 

Why Some People Can Never Be Better Than Good!!

I have been contemplating about this topic in the last few days, why some people with potential to be great can never be, but just remain good. Never really shines. I was thinking more based on myself, I was asking whether I really ever shone at any point in my life (sustainably). Have I ever given my all to a certain task, activity and project? Maybe measuring it by a specific task, it might be short sighted. I assume most people at some point have shined, this can range from an hour to few months. The real issue I am trying to uncover is that, have we (you&me) ever excelled sustainably without pause, this range from medium to long term (years). Hence I emphasised that this excludes one hit wonders, as they call them in music terms. I am talking about sustainability and longevity.

In maths average is explained as calculated "central" value of a set of numbers. In statistics, these are all known as measures of central tendency. Thesaurus state that it is about midway between extremes of amount or size.

This topic reminds of the article I wrote a while back about life strategy, which is supposed to guide us towards being the greatest. I don't believe that we all just want to be part of something without ever been at the top. It is human nature to want to be noticed, even though we can suppress the feeling and desire over time, the fact remains. We have the instinct to compete for food, girls/boys, spiritual prowess, material acquisitions, jobs etc. As the statistical definitions has it, the measures of central tendency. Can your tendency of being excellent ever go below par, Yes, sometimes. But as they say if you are good you are good, you never remain below par, maybe just a setback.

As I mentioned above that I actually got frightened when I thought about this and my life, whether I am doing enough, or am I just being as part of. I got a reality check and it scared me. This means I haven't done enough to be at the top/summit. I know I can do way better than I am currently but I am restricting/limiting myself…I know exactly what I need to do get there. Like getting cum laude for my Msc. Project Management. I have set that as a goal, when I enrolled for the course at UCT. The recipes for being greatest and at the top will differ from person to person and situation to situation. Identify the path to your greatness and follow it through thoroughly. I urge you to be at the top of your food chain. You are capable, don't ever be comfortable with being second best, or central tendency. Talking to my daughter, Sibulele Mdingi about the topic, she said something profound that some people lack a face to be excellent (Donald Says get a face and anything else to be excellent). Such as your musicians that are always featured on song but when they release their own work, it is never as good as what they are featured on. I am thinking about #Ludacris, he is so good on other people's song but when he release his own album. It doesn't do well. This can go for many people that we know. Think of TV presenters, that never seems to improve, they always seems to be the same, some may even say deteriorating. They only way is upwards - at the top. Also knowing yourself and needs can help us reach our highest level of operation and mental application. This has nothing to do with personality type, anyone can be as good as it gets. Go ahead and make yourself proud, your family and ultimately God. He has given us all things related to greatness and victory. It is our choice, it can never be someone else. Unfortunately history does not count.

Believe In Yourself

The words 'Believe In Yourself' sounds like a cliché, but in actuality it is not. They are a matter of life and death. They determine your success or failure. I don't suggest that life is all about success and failure. Life is about the living experiences, the bad, good, sour, bitter, hate, love, hopeless and ugliness. Believe it or not all this aspects are part of our daily lives. Truth be told as well, whatever we are involved in, we would like it to be a success or yield positive results. If you write exams you expect to pass, if you are in a relationship you expect it to work and the same with marriage. Whether this expectations are met or not, it is not the issue. The intention of your heart is what matters. I read somewhere that God is not concerned about your performance but your heart, if your heart is right the performance will follow. What makes us doubt our abilities and capabilities? We do this almost on a daily basis. Some of the major causes are; self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, lack of information, naivety, listening to others and self-awareness. How do you see yourself in relation to the world, your community, work, country and family? Have you mapped yourself and your path…!!

I lost something that I was supposed to get because I listened to others around me and didn't try hard enough, they discouraged me and made me to follow the rules and processes which I normally do not follow to obtain what I need. Lack of success in one area tends to affect success in others. It slows you down and makes one to be extra cautious and at times follow unyielding processes. This will overall affects your self-confidence. It is important to outline that believing in yourself include careful considerations of speed bumps along the way (identification of risks - formulation of exact risk statements and treatment plans).

Believe in yourself, believe in the idea of you. Be excited when you think about yourself…smile and chuckle. You need to trust yourself, your need to learn to listen to yourself, you need to purpose and determine in your heart that life is good, have a positive outlook about life in general, expect good things from life and it is not a punishment. You need to be 'hard' and at times kind to yourself, you need to push yourself beyond the limits, believe in your abilities, talents and instincts, even though sometimes they may fail you (failing proper risk identification) success rate has always been higher. You only have yourself that has the best interest of you at heart. If anything bad, uncool and unworthy, you are to blame, believe that you can make it, believe that you are the best in your field (if not yet, work at it), hype yourself up, encourage and motivate yourself regardless of your personality type…forget that. Don't allow yourself to be fooled…hence I spoke about self-awareness. See your-self fully fledged and successful, whatever you define as success. I strongly believe in me…Mmei Donald Matjuda I believe in you whole-heartedly. You are good, from time to time I am reminded that I am good…See LES CRANE - DESIDERATA beautiful Poem;

Licking The Wound Without Treatment Is Ineffective Method Of Healing - Mmei

It is very easy to get stuck in unproductive situation. Rather harshly put in a stressful and depressing situation. The weird thing is that we think we are the only one in there. We don't see the light or don't allow ourselves to see the solution. Sometimes we might be seeing or knowing the solution but we don't have the will, power, determination and energy to exercise it. That's how life is…full of realities that often surprises us the people living it. They normally say tough situations reveals the true you. How well or bad you fair during the trials and tribulations determines your mettle and tenacity. That is owed to the personality traits. Our personalities plays a crucial role in how we handle all this not so nice situations. The pessimistic person may have a negative view, making them take longer to linger in a situation because they are extra cautious. The pessimistic will say that their extra cautiousness has made them succeed in 90 percent of the time. The optimistic person may want to move quicker because all they see is a bright future regardless of the pitfalls along the way. All they see is the sweet end. What really matters is whether your control measures earns you success or not? Whether you are comfortable succeeding at the rate in which you are? Some people don't mind failing time and again. As they feel it adds value. Some really don't take kindly to failure. It feels like waste of precious time and money. Well, it seems we are all in different paths in this life journey. We are all enjoying life at our pace.

Then what really is the fuss about trying to solve situations…can't we just live and let life be? Never-minding, never-learning, never-caring, never-hoping and never ever. But is this really the entire truth about just wanting to live and expecting less from this life? Never wanting to come out of any situation, just enjoying the failure and giving up as we wish. I do understand that we need to give up to certain situations that does not help, improve or even enrich our lives. The truth to all this is that each of us has a personal benchmark, that if we reach, or don't reach, we feel stressful about it. Each of us has priorities at any particular point in time. Those priorities if done, then we are satisfied, even if it compromises some of our key objectives and targets. We implicitly rank each of our objectives. We know which must come first and we tend to focus on that. This happens regardless of whether we have done cost-benefit analysis of each, or have conducted the 80/20 rule. Which can help a great deal in deciding the right strategy? The never-minding, never-learning and never-caring does not really happen in reality. It is the perception displayed. Only if you touch what is critical to the person you will see the real emotions and involvement evoked.

I was recently in a rut, for about a month and I might still be. I couldn't find myself, strength, energy and my creativity was impaired. I couldn't write anything thought provoking. I felt trapped and scrambled like a DSTV mobile drifta. My psychologist performed an informal assessment, and profoundly said that if you open many pages, apps and programs on the computer, it slows it down. In retrospect, I think it is true. One thing about being in a situation is that one can lick their wounds until the cows come home. Feeling sorry for one-self is good but overdoing is not. At some point, you have to make a decision, whatever method you use. To move on and face life again. The sooner you do that the better. Licking the wound without treating it is ineffective method of healing. Lick the wound with treatment on it, atleast in a short while, it will be healed. It is not necessary to prolong our coming out of any situation. I believe in three things; you have to come out, you have to let others go and life must continue, whether you like it or not. With or without you…as cruel as it may sound it is the reality. You will catch up later. Please do me a favour, just come out, I am coming out. Here is Kirk Franklin with Smile…One of my inspirational tune.

Mmei Psalm of Praise

1. Lord just when I thought all is in vain, you showed me your supremacy
   
2. You showed that you are faithful Lord, in the morning, in the noon day and midnight hour…
   
3. You are mighty Lord, despite all my iniquities, sins and mistakes you remain the true God, the Only God
   
4. You are Lord, You are My God, I Love you Lord, You direct my steps, implicitly and explicitly
   
5. You are the king of my soul…you are greatly and simply awesome
   
6. Lord I can't fathom you…You are incomprehensible,
   
7. …Yet I love and appreciate all that you are to me…
   
8. When I thought I was in the abyss and never coming out…your love and mercy remained
   
9. Oh Lord, there is nothing I can do to pay you back….praise unto the most High for spurring hope in me
   
10. Despite the odds, numbers, multiplicative ingress and subtractions you persist conquering
    
11. I thought I am in the rut but your love Lord has just pulled me out
    
12. You are great and great and great and great…Great
    

Is There Hope For Marriage…?

Day in day out we hear about people divorcing…short and long term (days, weeks and months) relationships breaking up and engagements revoked? I think what's even more concerning is when long term relationships and marriages breaks up. By the long term I mean 10 years or more…if you are on year 5 like some of us, it is still an early stage. I must just declare that I am no marriage counsellor or expert. I am married and can give a menial advice based on my observation, experience and what I learned from others.

I think what's worse is seeing people that you thought they had this thing together, you know…10 years of more it's no child's play. How can it just disappear like that…? Is it that easy to just let go…I guess I will not know the answer until I am there. When I was a child I thought as a child and when I am old I think as an adult. Why am I saying so? When I was not married, I had so many principles, do's and don'ts list on my laptop. It went like this…if she does that …it's over, if she cheats it's over, if she lie to me…I can still negotiate depending on what it is? The fact is I had so many principles about how everything else should run in the marriage…how she should behave and not etc. Then I grew up a little and the list was getting shorter…when I was getting married. The list was even short, but I kept it that way. Finally when I got married, I just discovered that everything that I had imagined is not exactly the way it is (some were and most were not). Things are not that simple…life is not that simple either. Life is complicated…not complex…complicated is still easy to deal with but complex is learning how to live with something knowing that an answer is not achievable. The best is just to accept the situation and try to make the most of it.

I know of many marriages that are holding with a thread, that means one mistake, it's over. In the same way to show that there is not formula to this marriage, love and relationship thing…some hold with a thread for their entire lifetime. Those that are holding with a thread are vulnerable, jittery, threatened and endangered. The statement will go like this…I am in only because of my kids, because of that…because of this etc.

The question really is what causes the break ups after so many years of ageing together…why did you let it go earlier, why now. I know there is a lot of factors and reasons why we hold on…this also depends on what kind of people we are. Some are not that patience…while some if or when they are about to break up…all of sudden things look positive, hopeful and lively. Some go through the cycle few times before they realize that …naah things are not about to change. By that time…its 10 or 15 years down the line. Then we can't really blame them for staying and divorcing in the 19 or 21 year.

The sad thing about our life situations with our partners is that there is always something brewing…getting to the fermentation stage process might take longer…or even getting to the drinking stage. However, one person said that if there are no challenges in life we might as well stop living…there will be nothing exciting to mull over. The headaches, pains, sleepless nights, joys and cries are all part of this lovely life we are all striving to perfect. Or are we really trying and striving to perfect our life? This days it seems like the opposite…all things seems to be going wrong. Our family structures are in shambles…really hashes…I know not of any person that had a rosy typical family upbringing…I accept my family upbringing was in hodge-podges. You don't know the end from the beginning, some you can't even try to unravel as more nasty surprises will spur up…and those that are buried and dead…let them remain as they are. You don't wanna discover that the person you called you father or mother your whole life is not. Let's just go with a flow on that one, the fact is we are here now to start a new beginning.

That beginning need new thinking about our marriage situations and its complex form. Is there a solution somewhere out there to all this…yes probably there is…Christians will say hand over your marriage to God and trust Him to take care of it for you…the same with Muslims, Buddhism and Judaism etc. The same goes for those who believe in traditional muti-man to save their marriage. When I grew up, muti man was the protagonist when it came to preserving marriages. There are those who believe in nothing…anything goes…forces of nature they call it which can sway in any direction.

Cosmopolitan magazine conducted an online poll as to what causes couples break up, they came up with 10 reasons. Going through them...especially the first one – We just fell out of love? Really…just like that…my experience tells me that there is so much in that statement. It is not as it meets the eye...there is something more. There are things that happen for the 'out of love to take place'. If you ask me I would say all the other nine factors amount to number one. The other nine are…

2. Cheating. (36.6 percent)
3. Lying about something, trust lost. (29.3 percent)
4. We were always fighting and realized we shouldn't be together. (29.1 percent)
5 and 6 (tied). He/she stopped doing sweet, romantic things for me.
I missed being single and dating around. (both 21.1 percent)
7. He/she wasn't very ambitious when it came to his career. (20.6 percent)
8. One of us moved. (20.2 percent)
9. He/she didn't get along with my friends and family. (18.9 percent)
10. The sex was bad. (15.7 percent)

 

Whether your situation fit exactly the same criteria as set above or not…the point is, it is included somewhere in-between.

What is rather compelled in my mind is that most people that are not married read about all this stories of divorces after many years of marriage. What effect does that have on the current generation? Does it promote cheating, sleeping around with care or does it encourage some to not want to repeat the same mistakes and or be part of that statistics. Again if you ask me…this trend is slowly swaying people to believe that there is no hope in marriage. Life should just happen. There is no more love. It discourages some people to get married. It also breed children that may never hold a marriage…through hereditary. Christians will call it generational curses. I know some people that display the sign of hereditary…having it tough to hold a marriage. Some end up just being child bearers with same or different fathers, or child makers with same or different mothers. Neither situation is desirable.

Could we attribute what happens to the so called curses, or is just that we are unable to hold our own? Are we using curses as a scapegoat, or trying to avoid accountability? I don't know…? When a marriage break, when does it count as a curse or purely "I am responsible for it", or my partner is one who erred. The answer may be simple as God will be able to outline, whoever you perceive Him to be in your life.

Now there real question is that, Is there hope for marriage? Yes, I would like to believe. As long as there is still love…there is still hope to make it work. When people are in love, they feeling is so overwhelming, one can even fly and do the impossible. Then one or two fights slowly transforms the landscape of marriage to an acceptable level…then to normal…then to below acceptable etc. I would say that divorce should not discourage us, dampen our hopes, our spirits or hopes of making it in marriage. By the way, being in marriage for a long time is not necessarily an achievement that one can strive for, it is the journey to getting to that achievement, which is the bonus if reached a certain milestone. We are not in marriages to push the years…no. We are here to fulfil a certain purposes that God put two people together to do. You and your partner are supposed to be that perfect combination that God put together to advance His Kingdom. Your marriage (union) is a pilgrimage together - individual and collective growing in the character of God. The quality of the agape love within your marriage is a physical representation of your spiritual relationship with Jesus. There goes my next wedding speech!!

One of the problems that kill the vibe about getting married or even making it is that, we see our supposedly role models failing to make it, then we think less worthy of ourselves making it. If Dr. Barnard, who has a Degree in this and that can't hold it, who am I to hold it. Already you are indirectly and directly declaring yourself a failure in that area. When your marriage collapse try to remember your words, you have spoken it over yourself. The power of spoken words. We should never ever undermine ourselves and capabilities. You are capable of coming up with the cure for Aids or bringing the best solution that has never being thought of in this world. You are that good, excellent and better than you deem yourself to be. You didn't not make yourself and you need to ensure that you fulfil that purposes - you are here on earth for - it is not to get married by the way. Ephesians 2: 4 – 10 says judge your worth and value by what God says about you in His word, not by how somebody else says or treat you? We seems to value or prize more what certain people say or do than what God says about certain situation.

Let's transform our thought processes to align with God so that we do not end up in a pit…like our role models. Other people's failure cannot be yours. No, you need to refuse and make you own mark. You are an individual that has a life plan and path…you are the example whose marriage will last a lifetime. I think it is time to just simply Believe In Yourself.